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Klivnik's Clanker Clinches Shootout Victory for Knives

Sundogs field two in must-win league rivalry contest, lose

In a pathetic display of two of the most winless Monday night squads in league history, the Butter Knives and Sundogs fittingly went into overtime, ending with a Kyle Klivnik netter in a sudden death shootout for the Butter Knives' first victory of the season.


The Butter Knives were uncharacteristically sharp, thanks mostly to an abundance of overconfidence brought on by the fact that Greta Silewski was wearing her shin pads. Riding this wave of baseless hope, the Butter Knives surged out to a 3-0 lead before half. Resembling that of Steak Knives, the Butter Knives utilized impressive stick holding, feet running, and mouth breathing for a strong 20 minutes of initial gameplay.


"Morale was low," said Sundogs freshman Matt Stingum of the halftime intermission. "But what [Sundogs captain Mike "Shinpadless"] Peterson said just before the second half, I'll never forget. He stood in front of the whole team, calmly looked down the ice, and said, 'Hey, want me to play goalie? Doesn't matter to me it's whatever.'"


The second half seemingly began just as it had ended, with the Butter Knives still up by three after an exchange of goals, highlighted by strong defensive play from Butter Knife Brittany Caillier. From that point forward, Peterson’s whistle was whetted, and the Sundogs captain shone in net. “Endless Mike” was stellar, stopping a barrage of shots amongst heavy crease commotion. Inspired by their captain's selfless bodily sacrifices, the Sundogs offense found new life and stormed back into the conversation, tying the game at five and forcing overtime.


Although area broomball purists have mixed views on the merits of shootouts for eliminating ties, keeping spectators happy always seems to be the default move for the HBBL. With fan interest the driving force, spectators finally laid witness to one of the most exciting moments in hockey-related sports history, a sudden death shootout.


Matt "Shoot 'em up" Stingum will go down into Half Brothers Broomball League lore as the first-ever player to register a shootout attempt. Unfortunately for Stingum, he will also go down into Half Brothers Broomball League lore as the first-ever player to not register a shootout shot, as his attempted triple deke mustered only a half deke and carromed aimlessly into the corner, nowhere near the net, the goalie, or goalie's family.


Getting her league fee's worth was Butter Knife Caillier, who, unlike Stingum, actually managed multiple shots in the same shootout attempt, each of which was saved by Sudden Death Peterson.


Sans Shinpads Mike countered for the Sundogs. Achieving partial symmetry with Stingum, Cap’n Mike managed to impressively whiff in much the same manner as his Sundogs predecessor, sending the ball into the opposite corner, nowhere near the net, the goalie, or the goalie's family.


Shooting second for the B. Knives was unheralded goaltender Kyle Slivnik. Taking matters into his own hands, he stormed down the ice and rifled a slapshot five-hole, lighting the lamp in decisive fashion. Presuming the Sundogs would once again fail to register any shots, the game was called. The long-awaited victory for the Butter Knives had finally come.


Quoteables:

"I was pretty good."

Defensive specialist Brittany Caillier


"All these worlds are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there. Use them together, use them in peace."

Kyle Slivnik


Awards:

Broken Kneecap Award - Kyle Klivnik (failed a pre-game shin-pad check from Brett Gilbraith)

Yard Sale Award - Endless Mike Peterson

Unsung Hero Award - Non-rostered contributors from both teams

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