Brew Balls Flex Girth, Mop Up Swifter

Shaugaby, Pryor record four goals apiece in Week 1 trounce

Utility player Collin Hanson headed into the Swifter Sweeper lockerroom with tell-tale broomball bruises across his powerful frame, each serving as a painful tally of shots on goal contested by the first-year broomballer. Hanson, known for his rugged play, was realistic about his team's season opener against league rival Vilandre Brew Balls.

"Here's a few from Wrightsman," said Hanson, nodding towards multiple bruises on his left pectoral, in reference to Brew Balls captain Brady Wrightsman, "and there's a bunch more over here. You know how some elections declare winners even with only 1% of precincts reporting? Yeah, we pretty much called it after the first goal."

Wrightsman and company were relentless from the get, ambushing the Sweepers early with both speed and beef in an eventual 10-0 beat-down. Pretty passing abounded, punctuated by a steady stream of scoring, including four-goal performances from bigs Adam Shaugaby and "Sleeveless Jake" Pryor.

Josh Gilbertson was brilliant in net for the Brew Balls. The 2019 transfer made a spectacle of his league debut, stopping all Sweeper shots and establishing himself atop the Wednesday league statistics board with a 1.000 SV%. Gilbertson finished with two saves.

The Brew Balls face undefeated C.O.R.O. next week in the 6:30pm matchup, while the Sweepers host the non-existent Random Renegades at 8:30pm.

Awards:

Broken Kneecap Award-Austin Mack

Yard Sale Award-Paul McCullough

Unsung Hero Award-Brady Wrightsman (kept track of team's goals)